Ariane

It's a miracle for me to be friend with a girl like Ariane. She was a soothing oasis of life in the middle of a desolate desert.

It’s a great way to talk about my beloved girl ... She was not a mature woman who was the same age as me (I might even be said to have been too old for her age). But, it was precisely with her youth, with the liveliness that was agile-energetic and sometimes childish.... all things that made me admired her more and more.

I was always amazed by the vitality of her life, her intelligence, the joy of her laughter and the pure innocent friendliness that was far from made up.... Really..., everything could provide cheerfulness, joy, peaceful and comfort, especially when on her side.

She was a beautiful girl, though the others might say no (frankly this beauty matter always confused me). But at least, she was extremely beautiful to me. Perhaps..., I had no idea.... There were certain psychological influences that seemed to stupefy me. So, all everything in her.... always looked okay and beautiful! Anyway, Ariane was my little girl who always made me soar.

I knew her unintentionally. I had a small souvenir shop near her house. It was the first day I opened my ordinary little shop. And the first day of selling, without customers, waiting for the first buyer was a silence like a very boring cruel hell. It might be because people did't know yet or the lacked of publicity. But, what did publicity mean for a small shop like mine?! Obviously, I just run my business in the simple way.

So, no wonder, if that day I was sadly waiting for in my shop which was hardly visited by buyers. There was a little shame, indeed. I was even almost desperate and wanted to close my souvenir shop early. Until finally, I had never thought of before when a beautiful girl suddenly came to my little shop. With her typical hospitality she asked everything about my shop. Apparently, she wanted to buy a key chain with a classic model from Y province. Amazingly ..., with her fluency in speaking (of course, I also guessed with her charm in getting along!), our conversations were more and more excessive, all things became topics. So unwittingly, there was already late at night....,“Oh my..., how time flies!”

It was a very memorable night for me. Unforgettable! Her flushed cheeks dazzled me....

"So, you are a university grad....." she said very sweetly.

"Yes, that's right. Because of the monetary crisis, we have to do anything! Moreover, getting a job in a big company is now difficult, and the culture of nepotism in work hasn't gone away either! Mmm ... how about you?"

"Well, I just entered college. The F Faculty, G State University," she replied with a charming smile.

Then she graciously seemed to have known me for a long time, started to talk a lot about initiation on her campus. Sometimes she laughed at things that were funny to her. I myself tried my best to join in the laughter. It was not because of the funny story. A few were really funny, indeed. But, the others weren't at all. I just wanted to respect her as the first customer of my little shop, but ...gosh, it was not really, either! I was actually getting interested and stunned by my little girl! Her enthusiasm, friendly manner of speech, seemed both smart and adorable. Frankly, I tried to make her as comfortable as possible in telling stories, so that I could linger enjoying her pretty face and the warmth of her personality!

Months had passed. The longer I got to know Ariane, the more I became convinced that Ariane was my type of girl I 'hoped for the future'. That was, of course, 'I hoped' to become my wife and a happy couple someday! My conclusion might be too straightforward, so innocent and too hurried. But, it was what I should expect at my age, wasn't it?! Though, one might say that I really rob the cradle by dating a girl in college! I was 15 years older than her... But, I swore I absolutely did not care.

My imagination began going crazy and wandering everywhere. Everything always told about Ariane as my lover. Or even as the mother of my children! Anyway, there was no room in my mind that was not filled with the shadow of her....
    And how lucky I was, as the proverb said: 'Such things bring grist to the mill', my relationship with Ariane was getting closer. She stopped by my little shop almost everyday. Surely, I was over the moon, because: her arrival was not solely intended to buy something. She said, anyway, she just wanted to accompany me! It’s really a personal reason!
    Oh, my! A sincere reason, which certainly came from the deepest heart. Her attention had boosted my enthusiasm for life. I even became so enterprising in selling. I opened my little shop early in the morning, and closed it until it was very late. Miraculously, the sales turnover also increased sharply. It might be....because Ariane often helped me serving customers, so the buyers would naturally enjoy her beauty, as well as her service that was full of refreshing hospitality and made everyone comfortable. For this ... I really had to thank her!
    Sometimes, I was wondered by my pretty little girl. Came to think of it ... what was the attraction of a poor man like me?! Ariane family was clearly not the same class with me. She was a daughter of the rich and respected parents. But, she never discriminated people in relationships. Her warm attitude to anyone was the true evident, including to those of the elderly and destitute neighbors. One thing that was very rare for today's young people! Where, in fact, some of them who behaved insolent, or at least ignoring.    

Whereas with me, I felt her attitude was even more intimate, more pampered and in my eyes ....really more adorable! She talked to me everything. Regarding family problems, stories about her friends, life experiences, the way of life, all things inside her heart and mind. Including…. (This was for sure) even about the most personal matters. For her, I might be like a guardian angel who made her safe, or might be like a big 'trash can' capable of accommodating all her complaints and problems. Clearly..., I was always ready for her to be whatever she wanted to be!
    In such circumstances, I was almost one hundred percent sure that Ariane had a crush on me. Her attention and kindness proved that, didn't she? Her lips always said sweet words, in my ears those words were filled with love and sincerity. I could see it in her innocent eyes, as well... Her gaze had a deep meaning to me. It reminded me a television series in nineties: The X-file. Where, the gazes of Mulder and Scully were enough to express each other's feelings of love. There was no direct verbal expression at all, but the gesture had shown everything....
    Most of all, that’s absolutely my new experience. Never once in this life I had a girlfriend. Not even close female friends. Now, there was a pretty girl who talked and joked with me almost every day. We really cared for each other.
    I also often accompanied her wherever she liked. Just the two of us! Once again, that was a clear evidence, wasn't that?! I felt very confident, although sometimes I also felt that it was my craziest and wildest mind! How could it be?! Was it possible that the beautiful -a Goddess like- Ariane who came from the upper class 'wanted to date' with this ugly, lowly and poor man?!
    I was an ordinary person who had nothing special. Although, of course, there might be a few positive values in me. At least I was 'an artsy type', acting like an artist, talking in a higher level conversation, grandiose, moralist, and most liked citing the philosopher's quotes. Actually, many people were fed up with 'my strength', they said ... I was just a brag, dreamer, snob... and the most painful ... they satirized: the marginal philosopher from Edge! The latter was indeed the name of the village where I was born. Edge was a slum area near the river, which houses were attached to a cliff whose slope could be more than 30 degrees.
    But, one thing was very interesting and also encouraged me that.... Ariane virtually had the opposite opinion to the mainstream. Once she said, "I really respect you. I think no one in this world is wiser but you. Everything you say is useful to me. Full of wisdom, full of moral values ... And, of course, I'm very impressed with your philosophy of life!"
    Oh, my God... She flattered me that great, I certainly could only smile shyly while trying to hide my blushing face. To be honest, deep in my heart I felt so honored. The compliment seemed to have lifted my pride up ... as high as the seventh heavens!

***

    One day, Ariane came by my small shop. But, it's not as usual, she looked pale white, her face was swollen as if she had shed tears all day. I saw signs something that was not right.
    I asked carefully, "Dear, you are being so quiet and flagging..., is there a problem?"
    She nodded wearily.
    "Can I help you ...?" while I was saying that, my hand was holding her cold hand gently. My heart was beating so hard by a peculiar sensation that I had never felt once in my life! Like I said before, I had never had a girlfriend. Just only this time, I really dared to touch the very smooth skin of the beautiful girl's hand. This was an achievement. Although, deep in my heart, there were voices condemning my actions. I was in the middle of situation where I was very easy to use her! I abused my sweet girl's sadness for my personal interest. But, the other voices actually supported me. Evil whispers faintly sounded on my ears.... Wasn't it a rare opportunity for once in a lifetime? Besides, as I often said, I was a man of moral insight. As a moralist, I definitely could not have gone too far, moreover, doing the 'despicable manner' (although, I admitted honestly .... Such wild desires flashed in one of the most depraved corner in my very deepest mind). I really became a hypocrite for a while....
    Ariane was silent in a few minutes. Then, she took a long deep breath and said softly, "I've been quarrelling with dad all day. He was furious because I was against him ...!"
    "As far as I know, your relationship with your father is always fine. So, why....?"
    "Look..., I was arranged for a matchmaking with a man I had never met before. I can't accept it, because I don't love him! "
    Ariane's last answer was truly like a bolt from the blue! The bad feelings swept over me. It was not only merely a form of a solidarity and concern of a true friend. Furthermore, the bad news could have frustrated all my dreams that I had built so far. I wanted to have this little girl for myself, didn't I?
    At a glance, Ariane seemed surprised by my shocked reaction. But, soon she changed to be graceful. She said softly, “Help me...please. For all this time, I've known you as a very kind and the wisest man in the world...... “
    "What do you mean?" I said curiously. I didn't really understand what was in her mind.
    "I will always admire you. All your thoughts, wisdoms and advices always become the valuable lessons for me. Please...help me to assure my daddy that his steps to set up a matchmaking with a rich businessman's son are completely wrong. I don't love him. For me, love cannot be measured with all worldly matter. I love someone unconditionally, even if he is a poor man.... It's okay for me!"
    My heart trembled, there was a little emotion, but at the same time there was a sense of being challenged by Ariane's complicated request. Was I able to fulfill her expectations? It wasn't easy to talk to the old man in such circumstance which might be regarded as patronizing. I couldn't forbid and interfere him with all his deed concerning the relationship as father and daughter. Did I have the right? What if he got offended, then kicked me out while kicking my ass cruelly. I would be humiliated. Even, people would be watching me with contemptuous looks, then cheered while sneering that I was just a loser who dared to mind other people's business?!
    But, somehow I had to try and fulfill Ariane's request by all means. If I didn't help her, then how did she perceive me? I was ‘the wisest man’ who shamelessly left her alone in trouble?! After all, I was the one who madly in love with her, who really wished to have her... If I didn't defend her desperately, that's a ridiculous! Of course, she - with her own hands - would dump me, and never be willing to forgive me forever.
    "Okay.... I'll meet your father. I'll do my best," I said weakly.
    Finally, I tried to decide a good day to get the right momentum, so that a good mood would determine the best results. The moments where I could create a relaxed atmosphere, so someone could think clearly with wise consideration.
    Time had come... I bowed down before Ariane’s father respectfully, when I met the old man in his fifties. He already knew me, even though I admitted I wasn't that close to him. Then, I carefully stated the purpose of my arrival politely. He listened with bulging eyes and a clenched jaw. I felt my voice became trembled and my heart beat faster by a horror that began to creep all over my body.
    Considered my pathetic situation which - frankly - like that cowardly, really resembled a trembling pariah dog in fear from being stoned by bad boys. I saw a bad vision that I couldn’t win this game! I already became a loser....again and again.
    But, a miracle happened! Strangely, his face even changed. There was a kindly look in his eyes! Perhaps, he felt deep pity for me. He was like a big cat that should be a mortal enemy of dog. But, seeing the dog so thinly wasted, he instead pitied him. Even though the emaciated dog immediately sagged his pride, because he should be more superior before the cat!
    Ariane's father seemed to think for some moments. He finally started breathing normally, his face became peaceful. Then, he said calmly, "Apparently ... You are a wise man. Actually, I have never forced my daughter to do something like this before..., something suited to my own desire! I thought she didn't have a boyfriend, yet. And I just wanted to set up a matchmaking, in order that she could get married quickly. I mean, she wouldn't be trapped by the crazy promiscuity like nowadays. But, after listening to your reasons, you simply make me think about it again, though I might not like you interfered our business.... I mean my family. But, the important thing is that you are very right. People must love each other, when they want to get married. My daughter cannot suffer just because she doesn't like her husband in the future. Then, as you said, I'm sure she already has a good man. I will not force her anymore...."
    The old man thanked me many times. His attitude became very respectful to me. I myself felt like flying high above the sky, enjoying all the flattery and pride in the heart. I happily left my little girl's house with my footsteps even lighter and a triumphant smile……
    Three days later, when I was sitting sleepily waiting for my little shop, a cheerful face that I knew so well suddenly stood up before me. That pretty face looked very happy. She immediately hugged me. I greeted her warmly!
    "Yeah! This is another chance!" I heard my naughty inner whispering, as I was holding her in my arm tightly.
    With a radiant face she said, "Thank you so much. My dad has really turned 180 degrees, now. He no longer forces me to do what he likes. He even wants to meet my boyfriend."
    I felt very happy. A feeling that was difficult to express. I was flattered and I was on top of the world! It made sense, because I had been always positioning myself as his lover (a little surprise would have happened if I was introduced to her parents. It's a godsend, where, everyone in the house already knew me!).
    She showed me a great feeling and weeping for joy. A few minutes later, she was gently releasing herself from my arms and she walked out for a moment. Then, unexpectedly she came up again while she was holding a handsome man’s hand who was the same age as her. My heart started pounding! She said cheerfully, "This is my boyfriend!"
    She guided the young man's hand, so that he shook hand with me. She said to his lover with an innocent expression, "This is the 'great man' that I’ve ever told. He is like my older brother to me. The wisest, most broadminded and the kindest person I've ever known …"
    Thus...., my love story had been breaking apart into pieces, instantly!!! All the stories that I felt like I had self-confidently built it so far. I never thought of before that it was going to be an unrequited love. Now, everything even turned slamming me down into the most embarrassing heartbreak incident in my whole life. I didn't really remember the moments when the ‘accident of introduction’ hit me. I became confound, I could not understand anything that had happened. It turned out that I had been wasting my time for so long on something unreal.... 

After that incident, I had no enthusiasm to continue my small shop business in that damned place. I closed my shop for a long time. I was too ashamed to set my foot in that place again. Finally, I opened a little shop in another place. I also became more careful to establish relationships with my customers. Even so, there were still many young people who often hung out in my little shop who needed my opinions and advice. Especially regarding love affairs which seemed to be indeed a monopoly for their age. I realized this might be my destiny, that all of my abilities and talents were also a curse to my life. I myself had lost everything, my youth, my love life and my happiness. But, I always gladly gave advices according to their requests. And the simple advice I often said to them was ..., "In matters of love we must measure and examine all feelings carefully ... Don't be easily fooled by: FRIENDLINESS!"

 

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