Darmo was a friend of mine who lived in districts of B, the southernmost region in the province of Y. He had a unique feeling about himself! In the matter of arranged marriage (obviously it currently set out by his parents), he said in a sound of regret and despair, "A man like me, who has been in thirties ... It's just such a bad luck because of single..., have no partner .... "
He did not immediately finish what he said, while I couldn't wait to hear the rest! Yet, he continued, still in faint eyes, " Then the parents become a matchmaker, we must accept it in the name of respect to the older. Well, though I admit it is much better because it shows our parents care. And despite all that ’fellow's mercy’ –of course, not everyone likes people's mercy …… – but, you know ... what did actually become the point? ”
He stopped to delay his statement, as if he gave a little clue for his puzzle. I understood very well, that Darmo was provoking my reaction. He wanted me to be actively involved in the conversation. He deliberately held his breathe for seconds, made no words. Of course, he wished me to give feedback shortly. I knew it for sure.
Actually, I was so reluctant. I finally asked him (it slightly sounded so cliche and made up, only to please him), "What do you mean?"
Darmo seemed very relieved for a while, but he clearly still looked discouraged, "Well ..., it shows a failure, buddy! However, mingle with the opposite sex is a form of social interaction. As we know, when we get in touch with them....I mean girls...! Then love grows deep in the hearts, it awakens amorous desires to live together, then agree to get married. That's really part of a natural process. So, where is my position? Take a look! What about the type of person like me ?! ”
Again, Darmo challenged my responses. But, this time I ignored him. I said nothing.
Nervously, Darmo answered his own question in a hurry, "Certainly, I'm a kind of asocial human being. I feel such a failure. There’s something wrong with me. As if it's a flaw, which makes women unable to put a little love in their hearts for me. This is embarrassing. Making trouble for others, because they felt obligated to help me to find a match that would suit me. Very unnatural! "
Finally, I was touched to hear his complaints. I tried to cheer up and encourage him, " Never mind, you shouldn't feel too low like that. Many things in this wide world that can still be done, apart from your complicating chronic problems. As one might say ... 'People live in the world are not just about eating!' So you have the right to say: ‘Live in this world is not only for marriage and for breeding!’ Then it's done! No more discussion. Buddy, may I remind you...., why do we only focus on one thing? Then, as if we’re forgetting the others... Even worse, consider this world is almost in a doomsday because of it!"
Afterwards, I continued in a voice that I made in a full of dignity, "You should be grateful, that now you have been introduced to a woman. Although, of course, you still have the right to determine for yourself, whether she suits you or not. But, after all she might be your soulmate, who knows?! In my opinion, there is no point in all those regrets "
“ That's the problem ...”
“ Problems? How come?”
“ That woman!”
“ You don't need to jump to conclusions. You don't know her well enough, do you? At first glance, when you introduced her to me several days ago. I think, she is pretty decent. She is beautiful, smart and showed a kind of unique dignified attitude and maturity,” I said, just making small talk.
“ I've told you, that's exactly the problem!”
“ What do you really worry about ?!”
“ As you said before ... that's in the last part! That she seemed so authoritative ..., so mature .... Uh! ”
“ Hey, what's wrong with that? Or... do you just feel inferior?” I said innocently, without being able to hide my entire sense of astonishment.
Darmo seemed somewhat surprised. He blushed a little. Maybe there was a bit of shame, or even annoyed to hear the words that glided spontaneously from my mouth. But he appeared trying to hide all his feelings.
For a few moments he attempted to calm down and tried to speak in a clear voice, " This is hard to believe, indeed. This is not a matter of inferiority. It is not like that! Look, let me explain everything clearly, because you are a close friend of mine .... I trust you. So that, you can trust me, too ... "
He swallowed, then his voice lowered slightly to emphasize something, there was a delicate self-defense in it, "I am not easily made inferior in front of people. I hope you can trust my words!"
Again, he said sadly and slightly dazed, "How should I explain? It is rather difficult to describe this situation in words. But, here we go ... have you ever seen the look in her eyes? "
He continued,“It's all about the look in her eyes... Really, it doesn't mean that I feel inferior! But, the gaze of those eyes..... A kind of stare.... that it is really hard for me to express! Actually, it's not a sneering, insulting and dismissive gaze. It is not like that! But ... oh my god! Every time I spoke before her, then I saw the look in her eyes ... God damn it! Suddenly the weird feeling came. Looked like I was so tiny in front of her. There were reluctance, bizarre respect, or whatever it's called. Obviously, I feel like dealing with a woman who is so perfect, so high, so holy and regal, flawless, with all the elite expectations of the classy people... I mean, this is not in terms of material. But, it's more in intellectually meaning! Uh! I even seemed to be so fool in front of her.”
I tried to understand Darmo's thoughts. And, it forced me to recall my memories about that woman's images to profile her typology as told by Darmo. I really couldn't judge about 'the look in her eyes', it's too far! But, I could slightly imagine the woman's figure. As Darmo said earlier, she was more like a smart woman. It's true, perfectly illustrated as an awkward woman with big square glasses stuck to her face (the standard model for nerds). Which always showed a serious expression represented by the frown on her forehead that seemed to never stop thinking about something. She always attempted to keep the attitude of politeness and dignity, efficient in speaking and sometimes unwilling to respond to people's questions, especially for the less qualified conversation. Occasionally, she became cold freezes like an iceberg, so people who didn't recognize her well, might think of her as arrogance. But, sometimes she became cheerful, a kind of elegantly cheerfulness that even resembled an aristocratic woman behaves.
One could also consider her as a selfish person, because she would keep all her friendliness and eloquence in speaking intellectually, exclusively intended only for certain people. Especially, it's just for those who she knew well. And, even if you're among the people who were considered at her level..., you could never expect her to behave a little sweet to you, moreover if you're standing right in front of her! She would make your mouth agape, while you're listening to all the intellectual chats that seemed so ‘complicated’. If you were unlucky, your tightly foolish closed mouth would make you became the most neglected person in the world.
No wonder, she became an old maid (of course I only kept that opinion in my mind)! I even said something completely different to Darmo, "Maybe, you are just the right man for that type of woman."
Darmo quickly retorted, "How can I stand with that attitude. How can I always feel worthless in front of her, while I am sure she isn't like the most people's thought at all.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can even indicate all kinds of her weaknesses. How ridiculous what people amazed.... All the classy thoughts and words are just something mediocre to me. People will be surprised just because she often insert foreign words that are cliché and stated repeatedly in her conversation. It feels like both awesome and confusing, as well. The problem is, people sometimes don't realize that she often misspell in those Latin words. That's not funny at all. Or.... it’s about her innocence that shows her lousy taste in choosing the right color for dress, choosing the right perfume, or ..."
“Stop it, please..., it's not good to expose all the personal secrets. Moreover, disgrace the woman who might become your wife.”
“Huh! I'm not willing!” He yelled as he raised his hands.
“Why so? As far as I know...the both sides, your family and hers are already very solid and serious.”
“That's the matter, buddy! In fact…. there is one thing that I haven't told you. And unfortunately, that is even worse!”
I was silent for a few moments. I was uncomfortable. It's not easy to get involved with someone's business, whereas I actually didn't have any interests. It's like someone's position right in the course of a dangerous zone .... There was a deep feeling of guilt if we had to let in rummaging the secret into the deeper personal domain.... Well, it was like an unfair conspiracy which would hurt and tore apart someone's feeling.... In the other hand as a good friend I had to appreciate and sympathize for Darmo. Furthermore, he might be in a state of confusion and stuck in those big problems.
Darmo sat nervously, He was gasping and his eyes moved wildly. He acted like he couldn't wait to express his deeper emotions ...
He said in a mysterious trembling voice, “Really, this is what I was going to tell you from the beginning. I just wanted to show something that I had never thought of before ...”
He swallowed, and then, “Coincidentally I have a childhood's friend who is now become a lecturer at X University. Even though he is a respectable lecturer, I know very well about the fact that he is a kind of person who is actively dating with many women. There were countless students he used, just for the sake of his lust. Of course, both of them got the mutual benefit. The lecturer gets satisfaction, the student gets high grades in her study.”
“However, lately he has had unusual experience. He used to love young girls, but, it’s recently changed! He excitedly told me that he had love affairs with some of his colleagues. His fellow lecturers. He also told me every detail of his affairs, even the places where he stayed to spend the night with his new partners....”
I was listening intently, as Darmo was telling his story with restrained emotion, “One time, I had to meet a client who came from another city in a restaurant of the 4 star hotel. We talked for almost 2 hours. And after my last sip of coffee, I decided to leave because I had to settle another important business.... As I walked towards the exit.... someone who sat 10 meters from the glass door waved his hand at me. It's a surprise for me to see my playboy lecturer friend was sitting alone and smiled at me. My heart was beating when I saw that peculiar grin, my mind was wandering and started imagining the obscene, as he had ever told me about his affairs. But, I tried to drive away all those ugly thoughts. I approached him just to say hello and then shook hands. He told me he was waiting for his date. He even urged me to stay awhile and introduce her. I simply refused, cause I really had to go...”
“I soon walked off and passed through a large glass door. Suddenly, a strange sensation swept over me, the cold wind rushing across my neck.... Unexpectedly, I had a naughty thought. For some reasons, I was curious about his date. I just really wanted to know, what did she looked? Perhaps, he would meet a young beautiful princess-like girl. But, as he had said a few days ago that his taste has changed, who knows..., he was more interested in a fat old lady!”
“I sneaked behind a small greeny tree which was quite lush. The position of the tree in a large pot near restaurant was so helpful to hide. My heart was beating fast. As the woman appeared from nowhere, in a flash she was already in the same table with my friend. And...my body shivered, my cold sweat spilled ..., from behind those little green leaves .... I saw a figure of a woman who seemed quite familiar. An innocent woman with the big square glasses.....”
I started wondering, “And, the women was.....”
Darmo quickly interrupted, “That's right! She’s that damn nerd....... Instantly, my heart was broken that time.”
I was shocked ..., the story began to be tragic. I stiffened and froze like an ice block.
Darmo continued,” But, in my misfortune, I still wished they were good coworkers. A colleague meeting that addressed several important topics in the serious intellectual conversation.... But, my expectations were gradually fading away.... It seemed that they were not lingering in serious conversation. Instead, they obviously rushed to leave the table. And ... oh my God! With my own eyes, I saw my friend embrace her intimately and they were laughing. There was one unbelievable thing that absolutely made no sense! As long as I knew her, I had never heard that kind of laughter.... well, a cheeky laughter that was far from the graceful image of a dignified noble woman.”
“I am very sorry to hear that...”
Darmo said in a higher tone,” I could not wait anymore, a great anger led me to be quietly stalking them. They walked through several corridors .... And then ... You know for yourself? They moved into one of the rooms ......”
His eyes were blazing, there were fire in them, “My anger peaked.... Suddenly, I wanted to bang on the damn door, caught them red-handed, then dragged and embarrassed them in public. But, when my fist that was driven by anger which burned from within almost hit the door......”
Dramatically his face turned to pale, “Suddenly I was stunned, then froze in a torturous silence. Even my body then shivered with cold ... the cold breeze from the hotel air cond that swept my neck, now crept all over my trembling body. The chilled air had beaten me at a glance! Furthermore, there was another boost from within attacked me in the most difficult and sickening situation. I couldn't stand it anymore, I jogged tiptoe to overcome it. And at that critical moment, it was wiser for me to choose the toilet as the best escape to take a pee.... Finally, I could not fight the will of nature.”
“Oh! What a terrible moment!” I said in a strange voice (to be honest I was quite horrified at the thought of a huge uproar if he went berserk at that time, but I was amused that everything ended peacefully just for ... a pee!).
“It did not stop there, on another occasion I tried to stalk the woman as my own investigation. And ..., oh my God! Apparently she also did with another man in the same week..., even...with many men, all of whom I barely knew!”
“Then why were you still with her the other day? In fact, you still had time to introduce her to me ... and it seemed that everything was okay.”
“That's my predicament today. I have never discussed this with my family. I still keep everything a secret. I don't know what to do ...”
Darmo stood up, apparently preparing to go. But, before leaving, he said firmly, “My friend, she is not a woman of honor, intellect, and always keeps high morality as we thought. To me, her secret life is a proof that she has certain psychological disorders. Well ... she's a sick person!”
My mouth was still agape, when his figure slowly faded and vanished in the distance.
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