In a serious expression this old man once said in the windy cold night, his words reminded me of Friedrich Nietzsche's famous quote: What does not kill me makes me stronger. Of course, in his own way he confidently played with his own words..., "When loneliness doesn't kill me, it makes me stronger!"
He said it firmly and his eyes sparkled with excitement. That's convincing enough to show his sincerity, and also (perhaps) his honesty! Sure, there's no reason for me to disbelieve him (and I hardly didn't care whether I tended to believe it or even none at all), but the most important thing, he's consciously said it himself. And, I just hoped that it represented his true feeling.
I didn't know for sure, but something I understood that the old fellow was showing his feeling about his life at that time. In his old age...he lived alone. Spent all his days with the same routine activities in his tiny house. Once in a while he got through the day on his favorite bicycle just to see the refreshing rural atmosphere.
It was like a ritual that filled the emptiness of his heart. On the way he would do simple things that made him happy, it seemed he had done all kinds of meaningful things in life. Occasionally, he stopped and observing something. Sometime, insects and small animals really attracted and made his day. Once he observed closely a green grasshopper at the tip of wet grass. And then took a close up picture of it, so that he felt so glad as if he had discovered a new alien from the other world: the face of rare monstrous green grasshopper. Or when he looked in awe at the colorful butterfly that was new to him. And he could spend all day on those little things he loved so much. Something that would amaze people, how could he really enjoyed all that in his solitude.
The point of all our conversation was about his effort to convince me that his life was really okay. Maybe, he caught a tacit impression of my gesture (that I never put into words), but he seemed to be able to clearly read the worry and concern in my mind. He tried to get rid of all people's apprehension by making arguments to show that he was completely fine and happy. It's like a message: He told to the world that poverty, solitary life and old age will never defeat him! He seemed to try to break the stereotype about happiness in the common perception of society in general: The cheerful life of a warm sweet little family when parent was playing with their beloved kids. There was an excitement that was sorely missed by those who still highly uphold family values. And happiness was always defined as a prosperous and happy family!
This old man fought against the mainstream and kept his existence by trying so hard to prove his opposite values as a resistance to the general values prevailing in the society. He was alone, he had no family, he had no one. He declared firmly that he was the happiest person in the world. Of course, I didn't want to argue with him in that gloomy night. I was only a good listener. I even always remembered his outspoken words, "I am single and happy....!"
I am single and happy
40 x 60 cm, Acrylic on canvas
This property is sold in Nft, please visit: OpenSea
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